SHAKE WELL... YOU PROBABLY CAN'T HELP BUT TO.

Throughout this site, you will have noticed references to some bizarre concoctions created for the consumption, or more accurately, downing of, at shindigs. Below are some of the foods and drinks that makes the alcoholics as crazy as they are:

THE ORIGINAL SUNO SHAKE

• 200ml Cheapest whisky available

• 200ml Cheapest vodka available

• 200ml Cheapest rum available

• 400ml oStill Vimto.

Directions: Shake well, and drink whilst already merry at a party or in a field with Welshmen, like.

 

THE ABSYNTHE COCKTAIL

• 50ml Absynthe

• 50ml Vodka

• 50ml Malibu

• 100ml Pineapple juice

• 100ml Lemonade.

Directions: Purchase from Pritesh during a night at Retribution, then attempt to drink it whilst bouncing around to the Red Hot Chili Peppers!

 

CEMENT

• 300ml Blavod black vodka

• 300ml Bacardi

• 500ml Cola

• 200ml Dooley's toffee liqueur

• 200ml Fat Sam's Piña Colada cream liqueur

• 200ml Jaegermeister

• 25ml Goldschlager.

Directions: Pour excitedly into a plastic bottle, watch the whole fucking thing curdle before your very eyes, and then drink up like it's part of your last meal, because it just very well might be! Guaranteed to turn the most liberal of Welshmen into a bumbling racist!

 

BBQ CHICKEN

• 50ml Dingiest chicken fat you can drain

• 50ml Greek Metaxa 5 Star brandy

• 100ml Foster's

• 50ml Brown sauce

• 100ml Water.

Directions: Shake, screw your face up once sipped, and shout "God, it tastes like vomit!" in disgust!

 

SUNO X - THE DEATH SHAKE

• 150ml Cheapest whisky available

• 150ml Cheapest vodka available

• 150ml Cheapest rum available

• 150ml Cheapest brandy available

• 150ml Greek ouzo

• 250ml Peppermint cordial.

Directions: Throw in the air a few times, then drink in moderation. Seriously, drinking this too fast would most likely require a stomach pumping.

 

THE CAMPFIRE ESSEX

• 200ml Cheapest brandy available

• 200ml Cheapest vodka available

• 200ml Greek ouzo

• 1L Orange jiuce.

Directions: Drink only in warm, fiery conditions, whilst playing Twister. WARNING: Keep away from Welshmen and people that have already consumed 2L of Suno X!

 

THE FAIRY BEER APPLE

• 1 Granny Smith apple

• 40ml Fairy washing up liquid

• 100ml Stella Artois.

Directions: Pour the Fairy liquid over the apple. Five seconds later, douse in nasty Stella. Take a bite out of the apple whilst posing for a snapshot.

 

THE BEERSCUIT

• 1 Chocolate digestive biscuit

• 100ml Carlsberg.

Directions: Pour the sumptuous Carlsberg over the biscuit, and immediately take a large bite. There's no longer a desire for cocoa.

 

READING FESTIVAL BREAKFAST

• 200g Simpsons 'No Problem-O' cereal

• 440ml Foster's

• 500ml Banana milkshake

• 200ml Cheapest cider available

• 50g M&Ms

• 250ml Semi-skimmed milk.

Directions: Dig a small hole near a tent. Place all ingredients into a hole, and whack vigorously with a mallet. Proceed to piss off your camping mates and you have the perfect wake-up dish.

 

SKITTLEBRAU

• 500ml Foster's

• 50g Skittles.

Directions: Open pre-shaken can of Foster's and shout "Strewth!" or "Crikey!" very loudly. Pour Skittles into the frothing can of beer and guzzle like there's no tomorrow, thus proceeding to taste the rainbow. Afterwards, give the empty can to me and I'll dispose of it the only way I know how.

 

HANK'S WORLD FAMOUS CONCOCTION

• 1 tbsp. Mustard

• 1 tbsp. Gravy granules

• 25ml Fish tank water

• 20g 'Hundreds & Thousands' sprinkles

• 1 tbsp. Salt

• 1 tbsp. Pepper

• 50g Chocolate cake

• 100ml Smirnoff Ice

• 440ml Foster's

Directions: Put all ingredients into a tall glass, and mix vigorously for three minutes. Serve to someone so drunk they think they are drinking champagne. Stand back and watch as this person regurgitates 75% of their insides within 60 seconds of consumption. Be sure NOT to try and give some of this concoction to the fish as a thank you for him letting you borrow some of his water. Give him neat Sainsbury's vodka instead.

 

THE PINK SHIT

• 284ml Fat Sam's strawberry liqueur

• 284ml 'Pink Ice' Red Square vodka.

Directions: This is too simple. Just put them into a pint glass together, and watch them curdle! Yeah baby, it's a foamy alcoholic Slush Puppy! Simply dunk in a straw and forcefully suck away to your bowels' content!

 

THE BLOODY AWFUL ESTHER RANSEN
(Courtesy of BBC's 'Bottom')

• 300ml Pernod

• 300ml Ouzo

• 300g Marmalade

• 100g Salt.

Directions: Ensure you are low on funds at Christmas. Raid your cupboard for these ingredients because, if like Richard Richard and Eddie Hitler, these are the only things you'll have left. Pour into a very dirty glass and watch your gums stretch back over your teeth, just like Esther Ransen. Well, that's life.